In a previous post, I was talking about Machismo and how it made me become aware of something that was deeply rooted into me.
While I was traveling with this French girl, we talked a lot about feminism and chauvinism.
She felt super strongly about what women can achieve and about how strong machismo is in Mexico. It was something weird for me since I, myself belong to this group given my country is also part of Central America.
Many women in my country mostly work in the kitchen, get seats handed to them in the bus, wear exposing clothing, get put on a pedestal, and are generally seen as a sexual object/property.
Obviously, coming from a European country, this is more apparent for her. While I wasn't exactly a super masculine guy, I do have my moments especially when I meet a woman with a feminine energy.
So this is a lot of information but there's a point to this I swear. I was couchsurfing in Los Mochis, Sinaloa, Mexico, and I stayed with my hosts who were super masculine guys, and they took me to play football with them. This was interesting because I never ever play football. I considered it too dangerous but given I'm so open to danger now, I said why not lol.
I was playing with them, and I was absolute crap at first and very scared, but they pushed me to grow some metaphorical balls by telling me not to be a pussy. This was strange for me because I had been avoiding this type of energy/comradery for a while.
It was mostly because my dad was a really masculine guy and I didn't like that about him. He wanted me to always think about surviving, to be dominant and to be the best at everything. And well, as a fcking kid, you rebel against things you don't like, so I literally told him to fck off and did everything he didn't want me to do.
This pushed me become a solitary guy and to find a new direction for things that interest me. Stuff that didn't include manly things because that's what my dad wanted.
There was even a point when he wanted me to socialize with people I didn't know. I did the opposite of that which made me become anti-social for a very long time.
It's pretty interesting how these things work. I remember realizing some of these things at an early age. Apparently there's even a subject for analyzing when your traumas and how they are formed. It's called NLP (Neuro Linguistics Programming)
Another subject to start researching lol. It's really fascinating since it can help you slowly realize the ego is bullshit and hopefully set you free from the illusions of misery. Deep stuff.